Aren't We Supposed to?
I was recently told 'I think too much.' Aren't we supposed to be thinking? Digesting? Conversing? Communicating? And thinking some more? Isn't that the silliest statement ever? I mean, think about it?
I think so. I think thinking is the only way to resolve issues, make decisions, live our lives wholly. Thinking is the basic core of ourselves. Without thoughts, how does one know anything? Without thinking, how does anyone ever solve an issue, create a new product, or write a book? Wars have been started because someone didn't think of the consequences. People have died, because no one thought about the cost of a life. Without thinking, how does anyone put one foot in front of the other and decide to take a step; either backwards or forward? One must think about which direction to travel. Don't you think? Do you agree?
And so, I've been thinking.
It's been an interesting year so far. As of today, a great deal of eye-opening conclusions have been drawn. And why? Because I have been thinking. I've been dealing with a great deal of conflict as of late, and the only way I can muster the energy to climb out from under my fluffy, warm comforter on my bed, is to think about how I'm going to deal with my day. I have to think about whether I want to keep my head down for the day, and stay under the radar, or confront an issue head-on. Lately, I've been choosing the under the radar method, and it seems to be working, at least for the time being, I think. However, that's a diatribe for another time; the whole 'under the radar' thing. But here's what I've been digesting, or, if you will, thinking about...
Thinking has given me the option to know what it is I want for myself, and more importantly, what it is I don't want! I don't want to not write! I know. That's a double negative, but you get my point, yes? I see the steps laid out clearly before me to get to where I want to go with my life, and I see the steps I don't want to follow. Does that even make any sense to you? The thing of it is, every day, I start off thinking.
At first, my head tells me- why in the hell would you want to sit at a blank screen all day, and write a book that no one will ever read because you're not good enough to tell the story?
And then I say back to myself, "I am a good storyteller. I'm a great Writer. I'm intelligent, creative, funny, deep, emotional, connected to my center of being, and I am good enough, no, better than good enough to write a book and tell my story!"
And then my mind shoots back, "Who are you fooling? You're an idiot, blah, blah, blah..."
And then I realize that negative thinking is still thinking, but it's negative, and I don't have to listen to that garbage! I spend half my day telling myself, thinking to myself- I can do this, I can do this, I can... I am doing this, I am doing this, I am...
It's a difficult struggle, and one that I battle with every single day, and one that I overcome by mid-morning, and then wake up the next morning to do all over again.
I've come to realize this through thinking too...
I understand why I write. It's not because I have a lot to say, I mean, I do, of course, but, it's more because I want to understand what it is I am saying. What I'm feeling. And I want to understand what I feel, but maybe am not saying. Writing does that for me. It clarifies my thoughts. It gives me an insight into my deeper self, and even if my story is fiction, there's still a piece of me, a part of my soul in those sentences, and I understand that what I'm writing through my fiction is my unspoken dreams, my hopes, my memories, my deepest darkest fears, nightmares I haven't been able to consciously digest, people that I don't feel connected to, or understand, and those I do. It's all of my relationships in the characters I create, and all of the relationships I long for but haven't found yet, and all of the relationships I never want to find. Do you understand what I'm saying?
For an example, in my book of horror fiction, one of my main protagonists is a man named Niki, and one that I have been looking for my entire lifetime. I haven't found him in the real world yet, but he does exist now, even if he exists only in my book. And I can say with absolute certainty, I love him. I love the idea of him. I love his quirks and idiosyncrasies, his look, his tender spirit, his bravery, the way he speaks, the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles, and the sunshine that radiates from his face when he does. I love his imperfections and his humanness. I love everything about him. Is it unreasonable to think that that man truly does exist? I don't think that's far-fetched at all! Do I expect a man like that to come waltzing into my life? Maybe. Maybe not, but I'm hopeful. But even if I never get to meet the real Niki who's probably out there somewhere, if he never comes into my life in the flesh, I realize I have met him because I've created him!
And no, I'm not crazy, or off the wall. I write because I have this need to create something out of nothing. I write to understand all the parts of me. I write to create a person who represents some part of my psyche, my make-up. I write to tell myself a story. Do I want other people to read my stories? Sure. What writer doesn't? But I don't live to write for my readers, I live to write for the sake of creating! I write to understand myself on a deeper level, and I have to think before I'm able to do that, so, thinking isn't a terrible thing after all, is it? Aren't we supposed to think?
Maybe the person who made that statement to me ought to realize that in thinking, there is creativity. Maybe what you perceive me as being a negative thinker, has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe I'm thinking through my own self-doubts, thinking about my next sentence, or my next step on this journey, maybe I'm thinking of how terrifying this all is to me and I'm thinking of ways to push myself to keep doing it day after day, and without a safety net to catch me if I should fall flat on my face. Maybe if everyone thought a bit more, there would be less conflict in our lives.
I think thinking is a good thing to think about, and I'm going to keep thinking because... I'm Just Me!
I think so. I think thinking is the only way to resolve issues, make decisions, live our lives wholly. Thinking is the basic core of ourselves. Without thoughts, how does one know anything? Without thinking, how does anyone ever solve an issue, create a new product, or write a book? Wars have been started because someone didn't think of the consequences. People have died, because no one thought about the cost of a life. Without thinking, how does anyone put one foot in front of the other and decide to take a step; either backwards or forward? One must think about which direction to travel. Don't you think? Do you agree?
And so, I've been thinking.
It's been an interesting year so far. As of today, a great deal of eye-opening conclusions have been drawn. And why? Because I have been thinking. I've been dealing with a great deal of conflict as of late, and the only way I can muster the energy to climb out from under my fluffy, warm comforter on my bed, is to think about how I'm going to deal with my day. I have to think about whether I want to keep my head down for the day, and stay under the radar, or confront an issue head-on. Lately, I've been choosing the under the radar method, and it seems to be working, at least for the time being, I think. However, that's a diatribe for another time; the whole 'under the radar' thing. But here's what I've been digesting, or, if you will, thinking about...
Thinking has given me the option to know what it is I want for myself, and more importantly, what it is I don't want! I don't want to not write! I know. That's a double negative, but you get my point, yes? I see the steps laid out clearly before me to get to where I want to go with my life, and I see the steps I don't want to follow. Does that even make any sense to you? The thing of it is, every day, I start off thinking.
At first, my head tells me- why in the hell would you want to sit at a blank screen all day, and write a book that no one will ever read because you're not good enough to tell the story?
And then I say back to myself, "I am a good storyteller. I'm a great Writer. I'm intelligent, creative, funny, deep, emotional, connected to my center of being, and I am good enough, no, better than good enough to write a book and tell my story!"
And then my mind shoots back, "Who are you fooling? You're an idiot, blah, blah, blah..."
And then I realize that negative thinking is still thinking, but it's negative, and I don't have to listen to that garbage! I spend half my day telling myself, thinking to myself- I can do this, I can do this, I can... I am doing this, I am doing this, I am...
It's a difficult struggle, and one that I battle with every single day, and one that I overcome by mid-morning, and then wake up the next morning to do all over again.
I've come to realize this through thinking too...
I understand why I write. It's not because I have a lot to say, I mean, I do, of course, but, it's more because I want to understand what it is I am saying. What I'm feeling. And I want to understand what I feel, but maybe am not saying. Writing does that for me. It clarifies my thoughts. It gives me an insight into my deeper self, and even if my story is fiction, there's still a piece of me, a part of my soul in those sentences, and I understand that what I'm writing through my fiction is my unspoken dreams, my hopes, my memories, my deepest darkest fears, nightmares I haven't been able to consciously digest, people that I don't feel connected to, or understand, and those I do. It's all of my relationships in the characters I create, and all of the relationships I long for but haven't found yet, and all of the relationships I never want to find. Do you understand what I'm saying?
For an example, in my book of horror fiction, one of my main protagonists is a man named Niki, and one that I have been looking for my entire lifetime. I haven't found him in the real world yet, but he does exist now, even if he exists only in my book. And I can say with absolute certainty, I love him. I love the idea of him. I love his quirks and idiosyncrasies, his look, his tender spirit, his bravery, the way he speaks, the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles, and the sunshine that radiates from his face when he does. I love his imperfections and his humanness. I love everything about him. Is it unreasonable to think that that man truly does exist? I don't think that's far-fetched at all! Do I expect a man like that to come waltzing into my life? Maybe. Maybe not, but I'm hopeful. But even if I never get to meet the real Niki who's probably out there somewhere, if he never comes into my life in the flesh, I realize I have met him because I've created him!
And no, I'm not crazy, or off the wall. I write because I have this need to create something out of nothing. I write to understand all the parts of me. I write to create a person who represents some part of my psyche, my make-up. I write to tell myself a story. Do I want other people to read my stories? Sure. What writer doesn't? But I don't live to write for my readers, I live to write for the sake of creating! I write to understand myself on a deeper level, and I have to think before I'm able to do that, so, thinking isn't a terrible thing after all, is it? Aren't we supposed to think?
Maybe the person who made that statement to me ought to realize that in thinking, there is creativity. Maybe what you perceive me as being a negative thinker, has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe I'm thinking through my own self-doubts, thinking about my next sentence, or my next step on this journey, maybe I'm thinking of how terrifying this all is to me and I'm thinking of ways to push myself to keep doing it day after day, and without a safety net to catch me if I should fall flat on my face. Maybe if everyone thought a bit more, there would be less conflict in our lives.
I think thinking is a good thing to think about, and I'm going to keep thinking because... I'm Just Me!
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