I'm Just Me...

Farted around with my weekend for a cause!     Today, yesterday, and the day before, I’ve been filled with some serious self doubts! Am I a good enough writer? Do I have the chops to write? What the hell am I doing thinking I can actually write a full-length novel, when I can’t seem to get 3 damned paragraphs written correctly? What the hell’s wrong with me?     A small, tiny bit of criticism, and off I go running with my tail between my legs, and fill myself, my writing life, with self doubt. Hell, I knew something was wrong with the text, and I asked one soul to review a few paragraphs, and my world went plummeting. I plummeted. I began to question everything I’ve ever written, everything I thought I could do. I began to doubt... myself! So I took the weekend off from writing to lick my wounds, wallow in self-pity, and generally had a miserable time with myself. And just for the record, that person didn’t intentionally make me feel bad about what they had read. I asked for their

And so, today has not been such a fantastic day for me! I woke with the realization, that to some people, I'm just not that worthy! Which is fine, but which also prompted me to pen a Poem: SILENCE     Your silence slices my heart, like a razor blade slashes the flesh, and I bleed as though I were cut and shown bare for all to see, and you laugh at my foolishness.     Unimportant to your needs, used, and discarded. Self aggrandizement, your importance. Your quest.     So darkly do I think of you now, hideous in your arrogance. You force me to feel what I dare not admit, your vulgar sanctuary, empty.     Your silence, the quiet, speaks to my innermost thoughts where you dwelt within me, the beast of rejection, agony, and injured pride, defeat.     You cast your eye about, but I? Not within your frame. How could you ignore what I so boldly laid out for you to eat?     Even the least infatuated would take the time to look. Worthwhile? Perhaps, and then again, it seems, not so.     Ti

So, as you can see, I haven't blogged in a good and long while, and I'm going to rectify that now! The other day, I posted a message to a new friend I had made through Twitter, and, in the message, I had shared with him that I've been seriously putting pen to paper for the past four years. True? Yes. But it occurred to me that, that particular statement is not the case exactly . In thinking about my comment to him, and in reading the older blogs that I've written, I came to realize that I've been writing for my entire life! Really? You ask. My answer, "Um, yah." If you've read my older blogs, (and I hope that you have. You can read my older posts here: http://pattyannmccarthy.blogspot.com/ ) then you know a little something about me already, and what I've survived as a child. And if you haven't, by all means, feel free to do so! If you have read them, I'm certain the older posts may make me seem a bit